***
Endless days of wandering through the arid wilderness
without food and little water, he comes to a wooded haven seeking shelter from
the relentless sun. The sound of trickling water fills his ears.
Blessed Goddess has
finally shown mercy.
He kneels before the spring splashing water on his face.
Glorious relief floods his parched skin, but when a drop touches his tongue he
tastes the bittersweet poison.
He jumps back and sees the lethal red berries on the bush
growing beside the spring leaching it’s toxin into the water. Witchlock. He should have known the
Goddess wouldn’t be so forgiving.
***
Thank you so much for reading! Comments are welcome. :)
Hi Melania,
ReplyDeleteI love the primal nature of your story. It made me want to know what he had done to provoke the wrath of the Goddess.
My story is here: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/
Dang! I had it when water is really poison. Ruins my day. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteMine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-bl
Poor guy. What did he do? Mine is here and linked as well: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/fridayfictioneers-seduction/
ReplyDeleteAh, very nice - I can't help but love a hopeless journey story. Where has he come from, and where will he go if he survives? I'm intrigued! Nice descriptions, too.
ReplyDeleteHere's my link for your readers. Thanks for stopping by already!
http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/29/five-sentence-fiction-reaping-rewards/
Oops, wrong link! Sorry about that:
ReplyDeletehttp://pinionpost.com/2012/06/29/the-tenants/
For a moment I thought he was imagining how good life suddenly became. Then he tasted the poison and suddenly everything that was so blissful and pretty too real. Who is this guy? Why is he running? I Love the share.
ReplyDeletehttp://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/flash-fictioneer-friday-berries-and-pip.html
Rock > him < Hard Place
ReplyDeletehttp://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/28/w-m-d/
I knew those rebellious berries were up to no good the minute I saw them. And it appears the Goddess is not too friendly either. It makes me want to know more.
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting & commenting on mine. Here's the link for others http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Where are we? I'm lost. Witchlock should definitely be kept away from drinking water. How cruel of the Goddess to have helped him to survive the desert and try to poison him when he arrives in the cave. Goddesses are not what they used to be! My story's on the list.
ReplyDeleteit draws one in with curiosity about the rest of the story. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteHello everyone. Thank you so much for your comments. I normally try to reply to as many as I can, but I'm under crunch time. I have 30K left tp write on a YA I would like to pitch to a couple of editors in three weeks at a conference. So you can see I'm a little strapped for time. Thanks again for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff - he must have done something pretty intense to be put to this kind of penance -- and better yet you're working so hard! Go go go!
ReplyDeleteVery well written, I like the twist and that the Goddess might not be so forgiving... and for what we want to ask. Nicely done.
ReplyDelete