Friday, June 1, 2012

Friday Fictioneers: Ascent

Photo by Douglas Macllroy.


This is my very first attempt to flash fiction. Thank you Madison Woods for providing this fun opportunity. Click here for her story.


One step in front of the other.  The mountaineering instructor’s words ring in my ears.  We’ve been climbing since one this morning. Three power bars, one package of vegan super protein jerky, and half of a hydration pack later I finally see the summit. 

My quads burn, my lungs feel like an inferno erupts inside them with each breath, and the pressure inside my head feels like it’s about to explode.

Altitude sickness. Damn it.
 
I’m so close, yet so far away. Do I go back or push on? Either way, it’s still one step in front of the other. 

Thanks for reading!

18 comments:

  1. I think your first attempt can be declared a success. I love the way you wrapped up this piece. Very nice job.

    Mine can be found at http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/

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  2. Great job. You'd never know it was your first attempt! My quads were burning right along with yours. You really put us at the summit.

    You've read mine but for others it's: http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com

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  3. Hello Melania welcome to Friday Fictioneers! Great first post. I will never take up mountain climbing, between your piece with altitude sickness and all the others with death notes, I've been cured. Love the vegan jerky reference.

    Hope your writing is going well and the laundry all came out okay. lol

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    1. Well, you know me & my vegan jerky... LOL. Thanks for stopping by Trudy.

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  4. Your protagonist is a helluva lot braver than I am. Between the altitude sickness, freezing cold, treacherous footholds and potential Yeti attacks, there's no way you'd get me on a mountain. The best of luck to him or her!

    Here's my entry. I went in a completely different direction (literally).
    http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/false-alarm-100-word-flash-fiction/

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    1. Whoa you totally did! Thanks for sharing & stopping by Jake.

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  5. Welcome to the world of the fictioneers. You did well for your first try! To be philosophical, life is like that - isn't it. Regardless of what comes our way, we have to keep on keepin on - one step in front of the other. Thank you for sharing!

    ~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)

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    1. Some days do feel like that! Thanks for reading Susan.

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  6. Hi Melania,

    I found this by browsing around on Twitter and really like it. The picture is one I submitted and I think you did a great job capturing the feel of it. Since this is the first time in this rodeo I must ask whether you are receptive to constructive criticism? Some folks are, some aren't. Where do you stand. I have two items I think you might be interested in concerning the story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/poliahu-at-dawn/

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    1. Hello! Thank you for stopping by and yes I'm open to criticism.
      Great photo, btw. I'll add you to the caption below it. :)

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  7. Felt like I was there, good job.
    Here is mine
    http://yaralwrites.com/

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  8. Great first effort. I had to make a half mile walk up a steep grade yesterday and I now feel like a baby for whining. At least there was no snow. ;-) Here's mine: http://melodypearson.com/june-1-2012-city-in-the-desert/

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  9. Nicely done.

    Here's mine:

    http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/

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  10. Loved the details—"one package of vegan super protein jerky" :) This is one of the most realistic takes I've read, good job!

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  11. Nicely done. Packed full of images and sensations. And we're left with a literal cliff hanger.

    http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/

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