I used to love being a writer. And well, I still do for the most part, except for being a writer has become the biggest pain in the ass of my life. How so? You ask.
Hmm, where do I begin...
1. The the heartless muse waking me up at all hours of the night, especially when I've been sleep deprived and in great NEED to sleep. This didn't really bother me before baby (BB), but now it only fuels the unrelenting insanity. BB, I could get up write my new brilliant idea, plot point, dialogue, scene, whatever and go right back to bed or take a nap when I got home from work later that day. Now? The moment I go back to sleep someone decides to wake up and want some water, a hug, or go potty. Nap after work is a relic of antiquity these days.
2. The never-ending compulsion to write. It's in my blood and ingrained in my DNA. I. CANNOT. NOT. WRITE. I've tried and about lost my mind. It doesn't care that I'm a sleep-deprived mother who works 40-hours a week at a day job, has a family to care for, and maybe a life outside of the sparkly world in my head. No, the compulsion has no sympathy nor a single gram of courtesy for my mental health. NOPE.
3. The stories keep coming. As I try to finish (prepare for publishing) a story, twenty more come flooding in to distract me from completing the current project. Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay on track when you have a busy toddler, a family, a career, and two dozen other characters wanting their story to be told? Thank the medicine gods for Zoloft. And Ambien. And wine- my best friend.
4. There is never enough time. Because of reasons 1-3, I never seem to find enough time to satisfy all the musings of my hyperactive brain. Never enough time to spend with family and friends while maintaining a decent prolific rate. The writing monster wants ALL of my time and finding a balance has proven to be harder than flying a kite to the moon. Can't keep up...
5. Living on the borderline of nut-jobbery. All though some of my friends and family may think I have crossed the line into la-la land long ago, trying to maintain a socially acceptable appearance of sanity is not one of my strengths. When I attended my very first writer conference I saw a quote on the wall that said something like this "Writing is a socially-acceptable form of schizophrenia." BB, I laughed. Now I see whoever wrote that wasn't kidding. Writers live in their own universe(s). Period.
Writing creates all kinds of madness and chaos in the writer's life, but it also opens worlds, sagas, mysteries, romances, adventures, and yes, universes that those who are not writers (and have sane lives) can only dream of experiencing. All that happening in one single brain at 2 o'clock in the morning, right before offspring decides to upchuck all the gastric contents from dinner the previous day.
Sigh.
Onward.
xoxo,
Mel
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, April 20, 2015
Sunday, February 8, 2015
5 ways motherhood has changed my writing
Happy February everyone!
The last month has been a whirlwind of writing, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. It feels great being in the zone and making progress. In the last 30 days, I've revised and finished first round of edits on Urban Goddess Mama-to-Be (coming out spring 2015), revised 40/180 pages and added 3K new words to Temple of the Moon (coming out summer 2015, stay tuned more to come).
Okay, so maybe that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is for me. And here's why. Motherhood is a time suck. It takes up every ounce of energy that I have, leaving very little to nothing for anything else. I've already blogged about my struggles since becoming a mom here. On top of that I work 40 hours a week at a very mentally demanding job. But since last August, I have been slowly getting my mojo back and it feels great, but my writing process has changed a lot since I started this blog years ago.
1. My Speed. Before Baby (BB), I used to be able to crank out 3-5K works a day, sometimes in one evening. Now if I get 300-500 words done in one day, I consider it a very successful day. I spent the last two years berating myself for this, but over the last few months, I've realized that my slower speed is perfectly okay. At least I'm making progress. Sure, it might take me months to complete a short novel, but I'm okay with that.
2. Writing Time. BB, I used to write in the evening. As soon as the sun went down, all the muses came out to play. Now when it gets dark outside, I'm counting down the minutes when I get to go to bed. I don't have a specific writing time anymore. I have to do it when I have a free moment and that can happen at all hours of the day or night. Most of the time I get any writing done is during the day on the weekend when my husband is home to watch the Boo Creature.
3. Writing Environment. BB, I did most of my writing at home, or on my hour-long public transportation commute each way from work. Now, I do most of my writing at Panera Bread or anywhere outside my home because when I'm home there are way too many distractions. Suddenly the pile of laundry looks more appealing than hashing out a plot and the desire to clean the toilet (my least favorite chore) grows greater than writing the next chapter. Besides my blogging and nonfiction work, everything else takes place outside my home. No complaints here, since I work from home for day job, it's nice to get out and see what the outside world looks like.
4. Motivation. BB, when I'd reach a wall in a WIP, I'd stop and go write something else and when I'd try to edit/revise a completed manuscript, I'd get about 20-50 pages in and stop because I thought the story was crap. Much of that hasn't changed, but now I have this weird motivation I didn't have before. While my gut reaction is to stop and write something else, I wait a couple of hours or days and pick up where I left off. There is a new determination I've never had before to get my fiction out there. One look at my daughter and I know I must do the icky work of editing and revising to get my novel publishing ready.
5. Pantster to Plotster. BB, pantster all the way. Then came prego-brain followed by postpartum brain and I couldn't remember shit. Now I do a little plotting. Not too much, because then I'll loose interest in the story, but enough so I know where I'm going. Michael Hauge's 5 Turning Points has been most helpful.
I'm getting there, folk, I'm getting here. Thanks for stopping by and more to come on Temple of the Moon.
xoxo,
Melania
The last month has been a whirlwind of writing, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. It feels great being in the zone and making progress. In the last 30 days, I've revised and finished first round of edits on Urban Goddess Mama-to-Be (coming out spring 2015), revised 40/180 pages and added 3K new words to Temple of the Moon (coming out summer 2015, stay tuned more to come).
Okay, so maybe that doesn't sound like a lot, but it is for me. And here's why. Motherhood is a time suck. It takes up every ounce of energy that I have, leaving very little to nothing for anything else. I've already blogged about my struggles since becoming a mom here. On top of that I work 40 hours a week at a very mentally demanding job. But since last August, I have been slowly getting my mojo back and it feels great, but my writing process has changed a lot since I started this blog years ago.
1. My Speed. Before Baby (BB), I used to be able to crank out 3-5K works a day, sometimes in one evening. Now if I get 300-500 words done in one day, I consider it a very successful day. I spent the last two years berating myself for this, but over the last few months, I've realized that my slower speed is perfectly okay. At least I'm making progress. Sure, it might take me months to complete a short novel, but I'm okay with that.
2. Writing Time. BB, I used to write in the evening. As soon as the sun went down, all the muses came out to play. Now when it gets dark outside, I'm counting down the minutes when I get to go to bed. I don't have a specific writing time anymore. I have to do it when I have a free moment and that can happen at all hours of the day or night. Most of the time I get any writing done is during the day on the weekend when my husband is home to watch the Boo Creature.
3. Writing Environment. BB, I did most of my writing at home, or on my hour-long public transportation commute each way from work. Now, I do most of my writing at Panera Bread or anywhere outside my home because when I'm home there are way too many distractions. Suddenly the pile of laundry looks more appealing than hashing out a plot and the desire to clean the toilet (my least favorite chore) grows greater than writing the next chapter. Besides my blogging and nonfiction work, everything else takes place outside my home. No complaints here, since I work from home for day job, it's nice to get out and see what the outside world looks like.
4. Motivation. BB, when I'd reach a wall in a WIP, I'd stop and go write something else and when I'd try to edit/revise a completed manuscript, I'd get about 20-50 pages in and stop because I thought the story was crap. Much of that hasn't changed, but now I have this weird motivation I didn't have before. While my gut reaction is to stop and write something else, I wait a couple of hours or days and pick up where I left off. There is a new determination I've never had before to get my fiction out there. One look at my daughter and I know I must do the icky work of editing and revising to get my novel publishing ready.
5. Pantster to Plotster. BB, pantster all the way. Then came prego-brain followed by postpartum brain and I couldn't remember shit. Now I do a little plotting. Not too much, because then I'll loose interest in the story, but enough so I know where I'm going. Michael Hauge's 5 Turning Points has been most helpful.
I'm getting there, folk, I'm getting here. Thanks for stopping by and more to come on Temple of the Moon.
xoxo,
Melania
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Goodbye 2014
I can't believe another year has gone by. Which means it's time for 14 Best of 2014. And boy, there it was hard to choose because 2014 was one of the best years of my life. Here we go:
1. First writer's retreat in the spring. So good to be surrounded by creative people and get some quality writing done after almost two years of drought.
2. Achieving my dream of publishing.
3. Writing my very first article that appeared on Rebelle Society.
4. Flying to California for the first time with Boo Creature to visit family. We had a BLAST.
5. Summer trips to the beach.
6. 1st camping trip with Boo Creature.
7. Trips to the cabin.
8. Trips to the zoo.
9. Trips to the park. Many trips.
10. Going on my 1st company paid business trip. I got so much writing done on the train ride and in the evenings in my room. So nice to have some much needed me-time.
11. Trips to the pumpkin patch.
12. Halloween 2014.
13. Seeing Fleetwood Mac and Lindsey Stirling.
14. Seeing my book on the shelf in a my favorite bookstore.
As you can see it's been a great year and the highlights of the last twelve months have been my daughter and book. After fighting postpartum depression most of 2013, it felt wonderful to fully enjoy motherhood. Thanks for riding with me. And Happy 2015.
1. First writer's retreat in the spring. So good to be surrounded by creative people and get some quality writing done after almost two years of drought.
2. Achieving my dream of publishing.
3. Writing my very first article that appeared on Rebelle Society.
4. Flying to California for the first time with Boo Creature to visit family. We had a BLAST.
5. Summer trips to the beach.
6. 1st camping trip with Boo Creature.
7. Trips to the cabin.
8. Trips to the zoo.
9. Trips to the park. Many trips.
10. Going on my 1st company paid business trip. I got so much writing done on the train ride and in the evenings in my room. So nice to have some much needed me-time.
11. Trips to the pumpkin patch.
12. Halloween 2014.
13. Seeing Fleetwood Mac and Lindsey Stirling.
14. Seeing my book on the shelf in a my favorite bookstore.
As you can see it's been a great year and the highlights of the last twelve months have been my daughter and book. After fighting postpartum depression most of 2013, it felt wonderful to fully enjoy motherhood. Thanks for riding with me. And Happy 2015.
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Return of the Prodigal Mojo
Dear Readers,
Going to keep this short and sweet. Almost two and a half years ago I found out I was pregnant. At first this discovery brought joy and excitement, but then came the pregnancy-brain which zapped my creative mojo with a death ray and what was left received repeated attacks from my postpartum-brain. The sadness that followed broke my spirit. Writing is my life. It's what keeps me sane. But I didn't stop even if the only thing I could write about was the crippling depression that took over every aspect of my life for over a year. (#1 reason I haven't blogged much since baby arrived.)
I tried working on completed works to prepare them for submission, but hit a solid, concrete, steel-piling-reinforced wall within a day or two each time. Then I tried to write new stories and hit the same damn wall. Even short stories and novellas wouldn't come out no matter what I tried. The maddening part, my muse never left. No, she kept whispering little magical nothings like a fairy farting glitter rainbows into the night ruining so many precious hours of sleep. Bitch.
Despite everything, I published my first book- the story of my journey through postpartum depression. Then this summer I worked on a prequel, which is due out this November. But the last week of August, I went on vacation to the family cabin and I let myself start a brand new story that had been simmering in the back of my mind for about a month.
Today, more than 20 days later, I'm still working on the same story. Only at about 11,500 words in. My goal is 20K but the way it's going the story will probably be 40K words. Almost every single day I've chipped away at the plot. This is the most dedicated I've been to a story and every time I sit down to write whether it's for twenty minutes or two hours, the words flow. Even if I don't feel like writing, the words flow.
I'm writing fiction again, folks. My mojo is back! This is HUGE!!!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled because I thought my story-telling days were over. Right now I'm so happy, I think I'll go have some chocolate.
Thanks for sticking with me, dearest readers. Your support has been priceless. More to come soon.
xoxo,
Melania
Going to keep this short and sweet. Almost two and a half years ago I found out I was pregnant. At first this discovery brought joy and excitement, but then came the pregnancy-brain which zapped my creative mojo with a death ray and what was left received repeated attacks from my postpartum-brain. The sadness that followed broke my spirit. Writing is my life. It's what keeps me sane. But I didn't stop even if the only thing I could write about was the crippling depression that took over every aspect of my life for over a year. (#1 reason I haven't blogged much since baby arrived.)
I tried working on completed works to prepare them for submission, but hit a solid, concrete, steel-piling-reinforced wall within a day or two each time. Then I tried to write new stories and hit the same damn wall. Even short stories and novellas wouldn't come out no matter what I tried. The maddening part, my muse never left. No, she kept whispering little magical nothings like a fairy farting glitter rainbows into the night ruining so many precious hours of sleep. Bitch.
Despite everything, I published my first book- the story of my journey through postpartum depression. Then this summer I worked on a prequel, which is due out this November. But the last week of August, I went on vacation to the family cabin and I let myself start a brand new story that had been simmering in the back of my mind for about a month.
Today, more than 20 days later, I'm still working on the same story. Only at about 11,500 words in. My goal is 20K but the way it's going the story will probably be 40K words. Almost every single day I've chipped away at the plot. This is the most dedicated I've been to a story and every time I sit down to write whether it's for twenty minutes or two hours, the words flow. Even if I don't feel like writing, the words flow.
I'm writing fiction again, folks. My mojo is back! This is HUGE!!!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled because I thought my story-telling days were over. Right now I'm so happy, I think I'll go have some chocolate.
Thanks for sticking with me, dearest readers. Your support has been priceless. More to come soon.
xoxo,
Melania
Monday, July 21, 2014
Holy Freaking July and Self-Publishing Madness.
Hey kids,
How are ya? Remember me, the ambitious writer who used to blog about books, the illusive art of novel creation, and the meaning of life? Yeah, well, she's still writing, but on other topics like breastfeeding, pregnancy, postpartum depression, doulas, birthing plans and all kinds of fantastic stuff people called mothers find interesting.
Last May my debut book came out Urban Goddess Mama on Kindle. Trying to get it out in print and other e-book formats has been a challenge. Mainly because I don't have the time to fiddle around with the formats and get the documents to pass the editing checks, but I'm working on getting them out there.
At the end of UGM I make a little announcement that Urban Goddess Mama-to-Be will be coming out November 2014. At the time I developed a timeline to keep me on schedule. That's what you do when you are self-publishing. In June I would start the book, have the bare bones down by the end of my writer's retreat that month, and have the rough draft ready for my beta readers by the end of July. The book is only going to be 20-25K. Easy-peasy, right?
This week I glanced at the calender and had aminor MAJOR freakout. July is more than half over and my current word count is only at 6K. Yeah. Yikes. So with that, I wave to you all and hope to come back in August with some sweet book reviews and more writing updates.
Ta-ta for now,
Melania
PS. BTW, I'm itching to get back into the world of fiction... More to come on that.
PSS. AND I'll also leave you with this adorable picture of my little lady at 18 months old.
How are ya? Remember me, the ambitious writer who used to blog about books, the illusive art of novel creation, and the meaning of life? Yeah, well, she's still writing, but on other topics like breastfeeding, pregnancy, postpartum depression, doulas, birthing plans and all kinds of fantastic stuff people called mothers find interesting.
Last May my debut book came out Urban Goddess Mama on Kindle. Trying to get it out in print and other e-book formats has been a challenge. Mainly because I don't have the time to fiddle around with the formats and get the documents to pass the editing checks, but I'm working on getting them out there.
At the end of UGM I make a little announcement that Urban Goddess Mama-to-Be will be coming out November 2014. At the time I developed a timeline to keep me on schedule. That's what you do when you are self-publishing. In June I would start the book, have the bare bones down by the end of my writer's retreat that month, and have the rough draft ready for my beta readers by the end of July. The book is only going to be 20-25K. Easy-peasy, right?
This week I glanced at the calender and had a
Ta-ta for now,
Melania
PS. BTW, I'm itching to get back into the world of fiction... More to come on that.
PSS. AND I'll also leave you with this adorable picture of my little lady at 18 months old.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
It's May!
Oh my goodness, where does the time go? I swear ever since I got knocked up and had a baby, I've lived in a weird time vortex where one day it's Friday of one week and the next Saturday two months later. In all this madness, I have some great news to tell you.
I've waited to say this news for so long. Those of you who have followed my journey from the beginning, know how hard I've worked at writing and becoming a published author. After almost four years since starting down the path to authorship, I will be publishing my first book and it's not a novel.
Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I'd write nonfiction, but then last year I experienced the hardest, most traumatic year of my life after I gave birth to my daughter. Some of you might remember me mentioning postpartum depression in previous posts. For an entire year, I couldn't write any fiction, so I journaled instead. I needed an outlet and writing my day to day experiences helped me heal.
Postpartum depression is real shit, folks, and many women suffer from it. More than I realized until PPD kicked my ass. After living for months in shame, I said no more. I weeded through my random thoughts and compiled them into a story- my story.
I've kept most of the book progress on my other blog, but I thought I'd share the news here too because May 21, 2014 my debut book Urban Goddess Mama will be available on Amazon. Check out the amazing cover here.
And read the first chapter by going to this link:
https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1148123
Though the last year has been extremely hard, I have so much to be thankful. PPD stripped me to the bone and then crushed what was left to a pulp. Through the darkness of despair, I found my way back into the light. From the dust, I pieced my life back together one speck at a time. PPD helped me get rid of so much bullshit in my life. I love the person I am today more than who I was before PPD. And I have this little girl to thank. She is the light of my world. I'm so honered to be her mother. Speaking of which, Happy Mother's Day!
I've waited to say this news for so long. Those of you who have followed my journey from the beginning, know how hard I've worked at writing and becoming a published author. After almost four years since starting down the path to authorship, I will be publishing my first book and it's not a novel.
Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought I'd write nonfiction, but then last year I experienced the hardest, most traumatic year of my life after I gave birth to my daughter. Some of you might remember me mentioning postpartum depression in previous posts. For an entire year, I couldn't write any fiction, so I journaled instead. I needed an outlet and writing my day to day experiences helped me heal.
Postpartum depression is real shit, folks, and many women suffer from it. More than I realized until PPD kicked my ass. After living for months in shame, I said no more. I weeded through my random thoughts and compiled them into a story- my story.
I've kept most of the book progress on my other blog, but I thought I'd share the news here too because May 21, 2014 my debut book Urban Goddess Mama will be available on Amazon. Check out the amazing cover here.
And read the first chapter by going to this link:
https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1148123
Though the last year has been extremely hard, I have so much to be thankful. PPD stripped me to the bone and then crushed what was left to a pulp. Through the darkness of despair, I found my way back into the light. From the dust, I pieced my life back together one speck at a time. PPD helped me get rid of so much bullshit in my life. I love the person I am today more than who I was before PPD. And I have this little girl to thank. She is the light of my world. I'm so honered to be her mother. Speaking of which, Happy Mother's Day!
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| Photo by Amy Campbell |
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Whoa, It's February already?
I feel like the last month and a half have all happened in a week or less. This morning I woke up and realized I haven't blogged here in a while. Running two blogs can be a bit confusing to my mommy brain because I've written several posts here and was patting myself for being such a good little blogger with all the craziness going on around me.
Here's a sample of said craziness:
1. Snowmagedon 2014 happened in Portland. We don't get much snow in the city, but when we do people suddenly forget how to drive and do the most bizarre things like driving on the opposite side of the road to bypass the long string of stationary cars who are trying to get around the abandoned 4x4 SUV with low profile summer tires in the middle of a major street during peak traffic. It's times like these I question my loyalty to the human race. This picture was taken after I'd been in the car for two hours and only driven six mile. Ugh.
4. The fun part about having a toddler is shoe-shopping. Oh, yeah, got to start her early. She, of course, went for the pink slippers with sparkles and bling on them. This mama's heart swells with pride. The not so fun part about having a toddler is dealing with sickie bugs. We've been fighting some virus for the last month, each one of us taking turns being ill. But we still managed to go shoe-shopping. Priorities people!
5. I've been writing and doing lots of editing. I mean LOTS. You might remember me mentioning that I'm going to self-publish a memoir in February or March of this year. Turns out that self-publishing is a whole lot harder than I imagined. If I can get this book out by the end of March, it will be the miracle of the year. Currently I'm half way through the first round of edits. So far in my experience, I've gained a ginormous appreciation for all my self-publishing friends. People who look down their noses at the self-pub community have no clue what it really takes to get a book out there without the help of a publishing company. It's loads of work and stress. There have been many times I almost wanted to scrap the project all together, but if there's anything I've written that I believe in, it's this book.
I'm also working on a New Adult contemporary which I'll focus more after I get Urban Goddess Mama out. More to come on this project. :)
That pretty much sums up the last couple of months. I'll try to be better blogger. But hey at least I have a good excuse- I'm writing, which is a good thing.
Here's a sample of said craziness:
1. Snowmagedon 2014 happened in Portland. We don't get much snow in the city, but when we do people suddenly forget how to drive and do the most bizarre things like driving on the opposite side of the road to bypass the long string of stationary cars who are trying to get around the abandoned 4x4 SUV with low profile summer tires in the middle of a major street during peak traffic. It's times like these I question my loyalty to the human race. This picture was taken after I'd been in the car for two hours and only driven six mile. Ugh.
2. The good thing about snow in Portland is that there's lots of snow on the mountain. Last Christmas hubby gifted season passes so we've been skiing A LOT. Every other Friday we've been going up to the mountain and finishing the day with drinks and dinner at the ski lodge while grandparents watch the Boo Creature for us. It's our date day/night.
3. Speaking of the Boo Creature, we celebrated her 1st birthday last month. I still can't believe we have a toddler in our midst. Hearing her padding little footsteps through the house is music to my ears. Here's the remnants of her birthday cupcake.
5. I've been writing and doing lots of editing. I mean LOTS. You might remember me mentioning that I'm going to self-publish a memoir in February or March of this year. Turns out that self-publishing is a whole lot harder than I imagined. If I can get this book out by the end of March, it will be the miracle of the year. Currently I'm half way through the first round of edits. So far in my experience, I've gained a ginormous appreciation for all my self-publishing friends. People who look down their noses at the self-pub community have no clue what it really takes to get a book out there without the help of a publishing company. It's loads of work and stress. There have been many times I almost wanted to scrap the project all together, but if there's anything I've written that I believe in, it's this book.
I'm also working on a New Adult contemporary which I'll focus more after I get Urban Goddess Mama out. More to come on this project. :)
That pretty much sums up the last couple of months. I'll try to be better blogger. But hey at least I have a good excuse- I'm writing, which is a good thing.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Reflection of 2013
So I wasn't going to write another blog until 2014, but as I reflected over the past year and the crazy roller coaster ride it's been, I realized I had another post I needed to write.
2013 by far has been the most amazing, terrifying, saddest, happiest, hardest year of my life. In the last twelve months I experienced some of the most intense emotions since my brother passed away fourteen years ago. Nothing prepared me for what I went through this year. Here are the top 13 highlights of 2013:
1. Childbirth. Magical, terrifying, beautiful, ugly. Something I never want to go through again yet I'm happy I did it.
2. Becoming a mom. I never envisioned myself being a mother because I've never viewed myself as the mothering type, yet here I am with a gorgeous baby girl who is about to turn 1 in a few weeks. She is the light of my universe and now that she's here, I can't imagine life without her.
3. My first real surgery. I've always been scared of going under the knife, but when the IUD perforated my uterus, I knew I had no choice. Happy to say, all went well.
4. Postpartum depression. Kicked. My. Ass. But guess what, I kicked his ass right back. Thank you mediation, yoga, swimming, supportive friends, and Zoloft for backing me up.
5. Learning the fine art of Balance. Working 40 hours a week, full-time mom, and trying to write has been a struggle. I might never be a professional juggler in circus, but I've got skill, baby.
6. Letting go of expectations. Motherhood is the best teacher in releasing control--not that I'm not in control of my life, but sometimes things just need to be allowed to play out. They don't always turn out the way I wanted them to, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
7. Accepting help. Another thing I've learned as I was thrown on the deep end of the motherhood whirlpool is I can't do everything alone. The whole saying "it takes a village..." yup, it really does.
8. Discovering my limits. Childbirth pushed my pain limit over the edge and postpartum depression shoved me down to the slimy bottom of the bog of ultimate suck, but by doing so I learned to set boundaries and take better care of myself so I can be the mother, wife, friend, daughter, and citizen of society that I want to be.
9. Passing my CTR exam. In my day job, I work in the cancer registry for a local hospital. I LOVE my job. This fall I took the Certified Tumor Registrar exam (4 hour test, by the way) and passed even though I was completely sleep deprived, didn't have much time to study, and I was going through another bout of depression. I don't know how it happened, but am glad I have that credential behind my name.
10. Watching my daughter grow. The best part of motherhood is seeing your offspring discover the world around them and learning how everything works.
11. Learning to write again. Pregnancy and motherhood did a number on my brain. In the last year and a half I have only written one novel (my YA mermaid fantasy) and started about 10 different stories, but never finished them. Any attempt to focus on one project was like trying to empty the Pacific ocean one teaspoon at a time. But I didn't give up and discovered I had something else inside me I never knew existed.
12. Starting a new blog. As I began exploring new ways to express myself through writing, I knew I needed to start a blog that focused on motherhood, pregnancy, and all things modern day women face today. http://urbangoddessrevealed.blogspot.com/
13. Completing my first nonfiction book. Last week I finished writing the last chapter of a memoir/self-help book about postpartum depression and ways I was able to kick it's ass. Urban Goddess Mama is about 20K words long and will be self-published sometime in February or March of 2014. I never thought I would write nonfiction, but when I started documenting my journey over the last year, I knew I couldn't keep this to myself. There are other mothers out there who struggle and if my story can help lessen their suffering, then putting myself out there is well worth the effort.
There you have it. Happy New Year everyone.
2013 by far has been the most amazing, terrifying, saddest, happiest, hardest year of my life. In the last twelve months I experienced some of the most intense emotions since my brother passed away fourteen years ago. Nothing prepared me for what I went through this year. Here are the top 13 highlights of 2013:
1. Childbirth. Magical, terrifying, beautiful, ugly. Something I never want to go through again yet I'm happy I did it.
2. Becoming a mom. I never envisioned myself being a mother because I've never viewed myself as the mothering type, yet here I am with a gorgeous baby girl who is about to turn 1 in a few weeks. She is the light of my universe and now that she's here, I can't imagine life without her.
3. My first real surgery. I've always been scared of going under the knife, but when the IUD perforated my uterus, I knew I had no choice. Happy to say, all went well.
4. Postpartum depression. Kicked. My. Ass. But guess what, I kicked his ass right back. Thank you mediation, yoga, swimming, supportive friends, and Zoloft for backing me up.
5. Learning the fine art of Balance. Working 40 hours a week, full-time mom, and trying to write has been a struggle. I might never be a professional juggler in circus, but I've got skill, baby.
6. Letting go of expectations. Motherhood is the best teacher in releasing control--not that I'm not in control of my life, but sometimes things just need to be allowed to play out. They don't always turn out the way I wanted them to, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
7. Accepting help. Another thing I've learned as I was thrown on the deep end of the motherhood whirlpool is I can't do everything alone. The whole saying "it takes a village..." yup, it really does.
8. Discovering my limits. Childbirth pushed my pain limit over the edge and postpartum depression shoved me down to the slimy bottom of the bog of ultimate suck, but by doing so I learned to set boundaries and take better care of myself so I can be the mother, wife, friend, daughter, and citizen of society that I want to be.
9. Passing my CTR exam. In my day job, I work in the cancer registry for a local hospital. I LOVE my job. This fall I took the Certified Tumor Registrar exam (4 hour test, by the way) and passed even though I was completely sleep deprived, didn't have much time to study, and I was going through another bout of depression. I don't know how it happened, but am glad I have that credential behind my name.
10. Watching my daughter grow. The best part of motherhood is seeing your offspring discover the world around them and learning how everything works.
11. Learning to write again. Pregnancy and motherhood did a number on my brain. In the last year and a half I have only written one novel (my YA mermaid fantasy) and started about 10 different stories, but never finished them. Any attempt to focus on one project was like trying to empty the Pacific ocean one teaspoon at a time. But I didn't give up and discovered I had something else inside me I never knew existed.
12. Starting a new blog. As I began exploring new ways to express myself through writing, I knew I needed to start a blog that focused on motherhood, pregnancy, and all things modern day women face today. http://urbangoddessrevealed.blogspot.com/
13. Completing my first nonfiction book. Last week I finished writing the last chapter of a memoir/self-help book about postpartum depression and ways I was able to kick it's ass. Urban Goddess Mama is about 20K words long and will be self-published sometime in February or March of 2014. I never thought I would write nonfiction, but when I started documenting my journey over the last year, I knew I couldn't keep this to myself. There are other mothers out there who struggle and if my story can help lessen their suffering, then putting myself out there is well worth the effort.
There you have it. Happy New Year everyone.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Vampires & babies
Hi,
It's me, Melania. Remember me? The girl that used to review books, blog about writing, and give away stuff. Yeah, it's really me still. Sort of.
This last year has turned my life upside down, side ways, and back down again. Having a baby will do that to ya. I expected things to be very different. You know, like bye-bye social life, going to the movies, happy hour after work, shopping trips, weekend getaways with hubby, and that sort of stuff. I knew my writing would change and I wouldn't have as much time like I used. But boy was I in for a surprise.
As far as social life, I didn't really have a riveting one to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I have AWESOME friends. And I still do stuff with them, it's just different now. I'll come over to a party, but instead of staying until 2 in the morning after 3 or 4 drinks, we leave at 9 after a 1/2 glass of wine.
Movies-nah. With the cost of theaters these days, I'm really not missing them. Amazon Prime, is where I get my movie fix. Although I'm going to make an effort to go see the new Thor movie and Catching Fire and Hobbit 2 on the big screen.
Happy hour- nope. That one went away, not because I have to rush home to the baby, but more because I'm so exhausted I can't wait to come home and get baby in bed so I can join her in la-la land.
Shopping-oh no, that one hasn't changed. I now have a little shopping buddy which makes it even more delightful. Her favorite color is pink. Makes buying things easy.
Weekend getaways with hubby- we're still working on that one. Shouldn't be long. As I type this I'm home alone because my folks have taken little angel home with them for the 2nd night now in a week. Unfortunately hubby is at work, but I'm already planning with my mother when it would be okay for her to stay an entire weekend.
Which brings me to the fact I'm alone and actually blogging. *insert gasp* One of the biggest changes in my life since little angel arrived is my writing. It took a ginormous hit. And I didn't understand why or what it was until recently.
Normally when I'm writing or working on a story, I pretty much live and breath every detail the entire time. Sure when I'm at day job, I take a break and focus on that, but the rest of my free brain time I devote to the story. I dream about my characters at night and think about them first thing when I wake up.
Well, when I got pregnant last year, that changed. My focus was off. I could only write about 1000 words on a good day. When the baby arrived I didn't type a damn thing except for my birth story (which eventually turned into another blog) and an occasional poem or short baby story I could make up while trying to put her to sleep.
I tried to work on editing my vampire novel, but I just couldn't get into it. I didn't seem to have the brain capacity to even think about how I should fix the problems or make it better. Baby, baby, baby, and an random vampire were pretty much on my mind.
Then I realized what was happening. Vampires live at night. Vampires suck the life out of you. They charm you with heir magic and lure you deeper into their realm. Pretty soon it's they are all you can think about.
Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like my little angel. Keeps me up all hours of the night, breastfeeds like a fiend, charmer, and she's always on my mind. Damn.
It's me, Melania. Remember me? The girl that used to review books, blog about writing, and give away stuff. Yeah, it's really me still. Sort of.
This last year has turned my life upside down, side ways, and back down again. Having a baby will do that to ya. I expected things to be very different. You know, like bye-bye social life, going to the movies, happy hour after work, shopping trips, weekend getaways with hubby, and that sort of stuff. I knew my writing would change and I wouldn't have as much time like I used. But boy was I in for a surprise.
As far as social life, I didn't really have a riveting one to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I have AWESOME friends. And I still do stuff with them, it's just different now. I'll come over to a party, but instead of staying until 2 in the morning after 3 or 4 drinks, we leave at 9 after a 1/2 glass of wine.
Movies-nah. With the cost of theaters these days, I'm really not missing them. Amazon Prime, is where I get my movie fix. Although I'm going to make an effort to go see the new Thor movie and Catching Fire and Hobbit 2 on the big screen.
Happy hour- nope. That one went away, not because I have to rush home to the baby, but more because I'm so exhausted I can't wait to come home and get baby in bed so I can join her in la-la land.
Shopping-oh no, that one hasn't changed. I now have a little shopping buddy which makes it even more delightful. Her favorite color is pink. Makes buying things easy.
Weekend getaways with hubby- we're still working on that one. Shouldn't be long. As I type this I'm home alone because my folks have taken little angel home with them for the 2nd night now in a week. Unfortunately hubby is at work, but I'm already planning with my mother when it would be okay for her to stay an entire weekend.
Which brings me to the fact I'm alone and actually blogging. *insert gasp* One of the biggest changes in my life since little angel arrived is my writing. It took a ginormous hit. And I didn't understand why or what it was until recently.
Normally when I'm writing or working on a story, I pretty much live and breath every detail the entire time. Sure when I'm at day job, I take a break and focus on that, but the rest of my free brain time I devote to the story. I dream about my characters at night and think about them first thing when I wake up.
Well, when I got pregnant last year, that changed. My focus was off. I could only write about 1000 words on a good day. When the baby arrived I didn't type a damn thing except for my birth story (which eventually turned into another blog) and an occasional poem or short baby story I could make up while trying to put her to sleep.
I tried to work on editing my vampire novel, but I just couldn't get into it. I didn't seem to have the brain capacity to even think about how I should fix the problems or make it better. Baby, baby, baby, and an random vampire were pretty much on my mind.
Then I realized what was happening. Vampires live at night. Vampires suck the life out of you. They charm you with heir magic and lure you deeper into their realm. Pretty soon it's they are all you can think about.
Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like my little angel. Keeps me up all hours of the night, breastfeeds like a fiend, charmer, and she's always on my mind. Damn.
 |
| Halloween 2013 |
Sunday, October 13, 2013
I'm back!
Well, sort of. Just wanted to drop in and give you all an update. First of all, remember in my last post I mentioned a very important exam for day job? I'm proud to say I passed and am a certified tumor registrar. So happy to have that out of my hair.
As for writing. I've got three things going on. 1. A super secret project that is about 80% complete and when it's ready to publish, I'll share more. 2. Still editing/revising The Vampire Novelist. Actually I'm working on the second book, because I'm hoping it will help me with the first one, if that make any sense. 3. I'm dabbling a bit into children's books, the hardest challenge EVER. People who say writing a children's book is fluff, aught to be flogged. It's like flash fiction but worse. The less words you can use the better, but they can't been too fancy or over the top that a child can't understand either.
All in all I'm still trying to find a balance between motherhood, day job, and pursing my dream of being a published author. I haven't been blogging much here because I'm blogging more at my other site Urban Goddess Revealed these days as I want to share my experience as a mom.
Most of all I'm super excited about Fall, my favorite time of year. Of course I have to share a picture of my darling little pumpkin.
As for writing. I've got three things going on. 1. A super secret project that is about 80% complete and when it's ready to publish, I'll share more. 2. Still editing/revising The Vampire Novelist. Actually I'm working on the second book, because I'm hoping it will help me with the first one, if that make any sense. 3. I'm dabbling a bit into children's books, the hardest challenge EVER. People who say writing a children's book is fluff, aught to be flogged. It's like flash fiction but worse. The less words you can use the better, but they can't been too fancy or over the top that a child can't understand either.
All in all I'm still trying to find a balance between motherhood, day job, and pursing my dream of being a published author. I haven't been blogging much here because I'm blogging more at my other site Urban Goddess Revealed these days as I want to share my experience as a mom.
Most of all I'm super excited about Fall, my favorite time of year. Of course I have to share a picture of my darling little pumpkin.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I'm still here...mostly.
People of blogger nation, it's been almost 2 months since my last post. Yikes! Sorry about that. Since I became a mother last January, my life has been thrown into a tailspin straight into the pit of everlasting chaos. But I have been writing, not as much as I'd like to, but I'm still at it.
My focus has changed, though. Prior to baby I was all over the place, writing this type of story or that, trying to get published. Last month I had a little run in with one of my critique partners. She pointed a couple things I wasn't ready to hear, but they were so true. Ultimately, she did the best thing a CP could do- guide me in the right direction.
When I first started writing, I wanted to tell a story about a vampire and the mortal girl he chased over the centuries as she reincarnated into different lives. I rewrote their story of her second life 4 times, the third life 3 times, and dabbled a little in their first life together before he became immortal. It's a love story, but not the traditional type you see published. I've submitted versions of this story multiple times and got rejected. The common theme was, "we don't know what type of novel this is and wouldn't be able to market it."
So I got discouraged and then would try to write something else. I splashed around with mermaids and Atlantis. "Too high fantasy" was the excuse I got from editors and agents that represented the high fantasy genre.
I even wrote an adult contemporary romance that I loved and got many requests for but didn't send. Mostly because it needs serious editing and I don't know if I have the stomach to do it. Why? *sigh* It's a great story, but not really representative of what I want to write. Sure, I want to get published, but if that is my first story out, then the expectation is that I write more of them and I'm not sure I have that in me. Contemporary romance, both adult or YA, is really not what I want to produce. Give me magic and supernatural creatures any day!!!
My dear CP said I needed to focus and stop being all over the place. At first I wanted was like, "yes you're right." Then the next day I woke up and growled "How dare she tell me what to write!" I shot her off an email. Her response a couple of days later was, "This is the story I enjoyed reading from you, but you stopped sending me stuff and changed to something else." (I paraphrase.) The story she referred to was The Vampire Novelist. Yes, my baby. After I cooled off, I realized she spoke the truth. TVN is reflective of me. It's my soul in that book.
I made my decision then. Stop trying to get published and write the book that I want out there. So what if NY doesn't know where to put it on the shelf. In the world of self-publishing, I don't have to rely on them to get my book out to the readers. Stop trying to make it fit into a category. I added so many characters and scenes so it would fit urban fantasy or romance. I even lowered my heroine's age so she could YA. But I don't need to worry about that anymore. I just need to worry about writing the best story possible.
For the last month, I've focused on revising my baby and applying all the wonderful things I've learned in the last few years. When I have it the way I want, then I'll start looking to publish it whether traditional or indie. It's been a very slow process because I have an almost 6 month old and I've started working full time again at day job. To add to the madness I've been compiling a collection of tips and solutions for new moms that I've found helpful along the journey as a mom. I even started a blog yesterday to post some of these things. Some things I've learned the hard way, others from friends and other moms. Regardless, I feel that I should share these things because someone out there could use the information and possibly save her sanity.
Here's link to my new blog. I'll try to post more often (at least more than once every couple of months) here too, but I'm not going to make any promises. Mommyhood is my priority right now. Speaking of that, I'll leave you with this adorable pic from 4th of July.
You're welcome.
Cheers,
M
My focus has changed, though. Prior to baby I was all over the place, writing this type of story or that, trying to get published. Last month I had a little run in with one of my critique partners. She pointed a couple things I wasn't ready to hear, but they were so true. Ultimately, she did the best thing a CP could do- guide me in the right direction.
When I first started writing, I wanted to tell a story about a vampire and the mortal girl he chased over the centuries as she reincarnated into different lives. I rewrote their story of her second life 4 times, the third life 3 times, and dabbled a little in their first life together before he became immortal. It's a love story, but not the traditional type you see published. I've submitted versions of this story multiple times and got rejected. The common theme was, "we don't know what type of novel this is and wouldn't be able to market it."
So I got discouraged and then would try to write something else. I splashed around with mermaids and Atlantis. "Too high fantasy" was the excuse I got from editors and agents that represented the high fantasy genre.
I even wrote an adult contemporary romance that I loved and got many requests for but didn't send. Mostly because it needs serious editing and I don't know if I have the stomach to do it. Why? *sigh* It's a great story, but not really representative of what I want to write. Sure, I want to get published, but if that is my first story out, then the expectation is that I write more of them and I'm not sure I have that in me. Contemporary romance, both adult or YA, is really not what I want to produce. Give me magic and supernatural creatures any day!!!
My dear CP said I needed to focus and stop being all over the place. At first I wanted was like, "yes you're right." Then the next day I woke up and growled "How dare she tell me what to write!" I shot her off an email. Her response a couple of days later was, "This is the story I enjoyed reading from you, but you stopped sending me stuff and changed to something else." (I paraphrase.) The story she referred to was The Vampire Novelist. Yes, my baby. After I cooled off, I realized she spoke the truth. TVN is reflective of me. It's my soul in that book.
I made my decision then. Stop trying to get published and write the book that I want out there. So what if NY doesn't know where to put it on the shelf. In the world of self-publishing, I don't have to rely on them to get my book out to the readers. Stop trying to make it fit into a category. I added so many characters and scenes so it would fit urban fantasy or romance. I even lowered my heroine's age so she could YA. But I don't need to worry about that anymore. I just need to worry about writing the best story possible.
For the last month, I've focused on revising my baby and applying all the wonderful things I've learned in the last few years. When I have it the way I want, then I'll start looking to publish it whether traditional or indie. It's been a very slow process because I have an almost 6 month old and I've started working full time again at day job. To add to the madness I've been compiling a collection of tips and solutions for new moms that I've found helpful along the journey as a mom. I even started a blog yesterday to post some of these things. Some things I've learned the hard way, others from friends and other moms. Regardless, I feel that I should share these things because someone out there could use the information and possibly save her sanity.
Here's link to my new blog. I'll try to post more often (at least more than once every couple of months) here too, but I'm not going to make any promises. Mommyhood is my priority right now. Speaking of that, I'll leave you with this adorable pic from 4th of July.
You're welcome.
Cheers,
M
Sunday, May 12, 2013
My 1st Mother's Day
Today was my very first Mother's Day and let me tell you it felt weird. After 33 years of wishing my own mother a happy day it was strange hearing her return the greeting this morning when I stopped to see her. Last night my cousin and her two kids came over and brought me a huge bouquet of flowers. I laughed when the kids wished me a Happy Mother's Day. "Me? A Mom?" On what crazy planet would that happen? Then my daughter cried and I rushed to pick her up. Oh, yeah. That.
This morning hubby brought me a gorgeous azalea plant and a card from baby. I loved the card so much I HAD to take pictures and share.
Is that not the cutest card EVER?! Love the pitch fork in the "Your" and the pointy tail in the second "angel." So creative. I had a fabulous day. Had lunch with my mom, talked to my grandmother in Romania, and got to see my new nephew in Texas via Skype. I even bought myself a new workout outfit. (I always wondered why I used to see moms in athletic clothing out and about. I now understand. Motherhood IS a workout.) When I got home, Elly and I hung out on our cover patio while it sprinkled outside and enjoyed the smell of fresh rain and the new blossoming honeysuckle.
That's her and her new The Very Hungry Caterpillar book by Eric Carle. She's already a book worm and that's the best gift this mama can ask for. If you are ever looking a gift to give a baby, this book is a winner. Happy Mother's day to all you fabulous mamas out there.
This morning hubby brought me a gorgeous azalea plant and a card from baby. I loved the card so much I HAD to take pictures and share.
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