So I wasn't going to write another blog until 2014, but as I reflected over the past year and the crazy roller coaster ride it's been, I realized I had another post I needed to write.
2013 by far has been the most amazing, terrifying, saddest, happiest, hardest year of my life. In the last twelve months I experienced some of the most intense emotions since my brother passed away fourteen years ago. Nothing prepared me for what I went through this year. Here are the top 13 highlights of 2013:
1. Childbirth. Magical, terrifying, beautiful, ugly. Something I never want to go through again yet I'm happy I did it.
2. Becoming a mom. I never envisioned myself being a mother because I've never viewed myself as the mothering type, yet here I am with a gorgeous baby girl who is about to turn 1 in a few weeks. She is the light of my universe and now that she's here, I can't imagine life without her.
3. My first real surgery. I've always been scared of going under the knife, but when the IUD perforated my uterus, I knew I had no choice. Happy to say, all went well.
4. Postpartum depression. Kicked. My. Ass. But guess what, I kicked his ass right back. Thank you mediation, yoga, swimming, supportive friends, and Zoloft for backing me up.
5. Learning the fine art of Balance. Working 40 hours a week, full-time mom, and trying to write has been a struggle. I might never be a professional juggler in circus, but I've got skill, baby.
6. Letting go of expectations. Motherhood is the best teacher in releasing control--not that I'm not in control of my life, but sometimes things just need to be allowed to play out. They don't always turn out the way I wanted them to, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
7. Accepting help. Another thing I've learned as I was thrown on the deep end of the motherhood whirlpool is I can't do everything alone. The whole saying "it takes a village..." yup, it really does.
8. Discovering my limits. Childbirth pushed my pain limit over the edge and postpartum depression shoved me down to the slimy bottom of the bog of ultimate suck, but by doing so I learned to set boundaries and take better care of myself so I can be the mother, wife, friend, daughter, and citizen of society that I want to be.
9. Passing my CTR exam. In my day job, I work in the cancer registry for a local hospital. I LOVE my job. This fall I took the Certified Tumor Registrar exam (4 hour test, by the way) and passed even though I was completely sleep deprived, didn't have much time to study, and I was going through another bout of depression. I don't know how it happened, but am glad I have that credential behind my name.
10. Watching my daughter grow. The best part of motherhood is seeing your offspring discover the world around them and learning how everything works.
11. Learning to write again. Pregnancy and motherhood did a number on my brain. In the last year and a half I have only written one novel (my YA mermaid fantasy) and started about 10 different stories, but never finished them. Any attempt to focus on one project was like trying to empty the Pacific ocean one teaspoon at a time. But I didn't give up and discovered I had something else inside me I never knew existed.
12. Starting a new blog. As I began exploring new ways to express myself through writing, I knew I needed to start a blog that focused on motherhood, pregnancy, and all things modern day women face today. http://urbangoddessrevealed.blogspot.com/
13. Completing my first nonfiction book. Last week I finished writing the last chapter of a memoir/self-help book about postpartum depression and ways I was able to kick it's ass. Urban Goddess Mama is about 20K words long and will be self-published sometime in February or March of 2014. I never thought I would write nonfiction, but when I started documenting my journey over the last year, I knew I couldn't keep this to myself. There are other mothers out there who struggle and if my story can help lessen their suffering, then putting myself out there is well worth the effort.
There you have it. Happy New Year everyone.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Book Review: Half-blood by Jennifer L. Armentrout
I purchased this novel about almost two years ago after I read Obsidian (The Lux Series) and bought everything out there at the time written by her. Half-blood is part of the Covenant series. I first read Daimon, the prequel to Half-blood. But when I started on Half-blood, I simply couldn't get into it.
Fast forward major career change at day job, pregnancy, and childbirth to a couple of days ago when I was browsing through my Kindle and decided to read something I'd already purchased rather than buying. I gave Half-blood another try. I was doing pretty good getting through about a chapter a day while I pumped at day job. (Trust me, reading is the only way to get through pumping, my least favorite thing about motherhood.)
So last night after daughter went to sleep I decided I'd read a little until I got sleepy. At this point I was about 40% through the book. My eyelids were starting to get heavy. Yawning became more frequent and then I got to about 46% (the end of chapter 10). BAM! Wide awake.
Oh. My. Gods. I had to finish the book and it was all I could do NOT to log into the Kindle store to buy the rest of the series when I reached the end at 2 am. Curse you, Jennifer!
The book is like Vampire Academy meets Greek mythology spun together in a delicious web of romance, snarky banter, kick ass action, and brilliant imagination. Jennifer has a way of luring you into her world of demigods and trapping you there until you read the last line of the book, but then only to realize you've become an addict and need your next hit. Soon. So many twists, so many fantastic characters that burrow under your skin, making themselves a comfortable little nest. No wonder she became a NY Times bestselling author publishing mostly through indie press. And it's a really good thing she writes a lot and has multiple books coming out each year.
Thank goodness I have a whole week off starting Christmas. You know what I'll be doing. I admit it, I'm a J.L Armentrout junkie and now it's my mission to get as many converts. Here's the link to purchase Half-Blood. You're welcome and Merry Christmas.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005OCPT00/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title
See you all in 2014.
Cheers,
Melania
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Some writer inspiration
A couple of weeks ago I had a down day where I did nothing. No house cleaning, no cooking, no writing, no working, no to anything that resembled the slightest bit like work. The whole day was devoted to reading, playing with my daughter (after she let me sit in my recliner and read for an hour- miracle of miracles- I know), and watching TEDtalks. I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Memoirs aren't my usual literary drug of choice, but years ago I'd watched the movie and really liked it. When I saw the book on sale at Powell's, I didn't think twice about buying it.
Love the book and her style of writing. So bare. So honest. And I really liked her TEDtalks. So much so that I felt I needed to share it. What she speaks about can be applied to any creative endeavor and with all the struggles I've been experiencing with my writing, this video couldn't have come at a better time. Plus I could not not share this gem with you all.
Of course after watching this, I had to Google "Elizabeth Gilbert videos" and I came across this one which kicks ass. You'll have to go to Oprah's site to view it. I bookmarked both of these videos to watch when I get down about my writing.
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Elizabeth-Gilbert-Talk-from-O-Magazines-10th-Anniversary-Video
The take home message, "just show up."
Enjoy!
~Melania
Love the book and her style of writing. So bare. So honest. And I really liked her TEDtalks. So much so that I felt I needed to share it. What she speaks about can be applied to any creative endeavor and with all the struggles I've been experiencing with my writing, this video couldn't have come at a better time. Plus I could not not share this gem with you all.
Of course after watching this, I had to Google "Elizabeth Gilbert videos" and I came across this one which kicks ass. You'll have to go to Oprah's site to view it. I bookmarked both of these videos to watch when I get down about my writing.
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Elizabeth-Gilbert-Talk-from-O-Magazines-10th-Anniversary-Video
The take home message, "just show up."
Enjoy!
~Melania
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Struggles and Challenges
I've been avoiding writing this blog post for months now, mainly because I don't want to sound whiny or ungrateful. But last night as I was falling asleep I realized I needed to share this. The whole point of starting this blogs over 3 (yes, that is correct, THREE years) ago was to share my experience and journey in pursuing the dream of becoming a published author.
Through the last 3 years, I've had my struggles and challenges, but none of them compare to what I'm going through now. If you recall in my last post, writing has taking the biggest hit since I became a mom. I didn't elaborate too much, but today is confession time.
My brain has completely left for vacation. What little brain cells I've left, I dedicate to my day job (it pays for daughter's school, new car, bills, and food on the table) and being somewhat present for my family. It's been a year now since I haven't slept a full 8 hours uninterrupted (the last three months of my pregnancy I got up at least 5 times a night to pee). After months of sleep deprivation depression sets in. I've been battling postpartum depression off and on since January. It's been survival every day for last 9 months and a human being can only live so long in that state before shutting down.
Lucky for me and my family I got help before it was too late, but motherhood has taken it's toll at a hefty price. I cannot focus for the life of me long enough to finish a story. When I lay at night thinking of what to write next, I get really good ideas and sometimes I actually get up and type them out so I don't forget, but that's where it ends. There seems to be zero energy or motivation for me to expand, develop, layer these nuggets of inspiration, let alone edit, revise, and fix the novels I have already completed.
When I have a moment, like right now, to work on a project, I either sit and stare at a blank document for five minutes before getting onto Facebook and blowing through all 5 lives on Candy Crush or sit on my recliner and watch TV while drinking wine and stuffing my face with chocolate. Then I spend the next day when my daughter comes home from my folks' place feeling guilty for wasting a perfect opportunity to write.
To make matters worse, I haven't attended a RCRW meeting since April or even joined my writer friends for a meetup. I miss being around them so much. Every month I see their posts on Facebook or Twitter recapping the awesome meeting of that particular month and I try not to cry. I so wish I could be there and learn from these fantastic authors and writers who inspire me so much. But the monthly meeting falls on the Saturdays that hubby has to work and I don't have a sitter.
*sigh*
What happened? I ask myself everyday. I used to love writing. I mean, I wrote my first novel while working full-time, going to school full-time, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and running a part-time business. Why can't I balance motherhood, day job, and writing now? Why do I feel so lazy and unmotivated? Grrrrrrrr!
It will get better, I tell myself. It has too. I really want to be a published author. Especially in the Romance genre. I want to go to RT and sign books. I want to write stories that inspire, bring hope, and ignite passion in the reader's heart. I don't want fame, although I wouldn't object to fortune, but that's really not on the top of my priority list.
So there you have it. The raw, unattractive, revolting truth. No more secrets. It's out there in the open for the world to read and judge. Just don't throw any eggs or rotten tomatoes at me, please.
Through the last 3 years, I've had my struggles and challenges, but none of them compare to what I'm going through now. If you recall in my last post, writing has taking the biggest hit since I became a mom. I didn't elaborate too much, but today is confession time.
My brain has completely left for vacation. What little brain cells I've left, I dedicate to my day job (it pays for daughter's school, new car, bills, and food on the table) and being somewhat present for my family. It's been a year now since I haven't slept a full 8 hours uninterrupted (the last three months of my pregnancy I got up at least 5 times a night to pee). After months of sleep deprivation depression sets in. I've been battling postpartum depression off and on since January. It's been survival every day for last 9 months and a human being can only live so long in that state before shutting down.
Lucky for me and my family I got help before it was too late, but motherhood has taken it's toll at a hefty price. I cannot focus for the life of me long enough to finish a story. When I lay at night thinking of what to write next, I get really good ideas and sometimes I actually get up and type them out so I don't forget, but that's where it ends. There seems to be zero energy or motivation for me to expand, develop, layer these nuggets of inspiration, let alone edit, revise, and fix the novels I have already completed.
When I have a moment, like right now, to work on a project, I either sit and stare at a blank document for five minutes before getting onto Facebook and blowing through all 5 lives on Candy Crush or sit on my recliner and watch TV while drinking wine and stuffing my face with chocolate. Then I spend the next day when my daughter comes home from my folks' place feeling guilty for wasting a perfect opportunity to write.
To make matters worse, I haven't attended a RCRW meeting since April or even joined my writer friends for a meetup. I miss being around them so much. Every month I see their posts on Facebook or Twitter recapping the awesome meeting of that particular month and I try not to cry. I so wish I could be there and learn from these fantastic authors and writers who inspire me so much. But the monthly meeting falls on the Saturdays that hubby has to work and I don't have a sitter.
*sigh*
What happened? I ask myself everyday. I used to love writing. I mean, I wrote my first novel while working full-time, going to school full-time, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and running a part-time business. Why can't I balance motherhood, day job, and writing now? Why do I feel so lazy and unmotivated? Grrrrrrrr!
It will get better, I tell myself. It has too. I really want to be a published author. Especially in the Romance genre. I want to go to RT and sign books. I want to write stories that inspire, bring hope, and ignite passion in the reader's heart. I don't want fame, although I wouldn't object to fortune, but that's really not on the top of my priority list.
So there you have it. The raw, unattractive, revolting truth. No more secrets. It's out there in the open for the world to read and judge. Just don't throw any eggs or rotten tomatoes at me, please.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Vampires & babies
Hi,
It's me, Melania. Remember me? The girl that used to review books, blog about writing, and give away stuff. Yeah, it's really me still. Sort of.
This last year has turned my life upside down, side ways, and back down again. Having a baby will do that to ya. I expected things to be very different. You know, like bye-bye social life, going to the movies, happy hour after work, shopping trips, weekend getaways with hubby, and that sort of stuff. I knew my writing would change and I wouldn't have as much time like I used. But boy was I in for a surprise.
As far as social life, I didn't really have a riveting one to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I have AWESOME friends. And I still do stuff with them, it's just different now. I'll come over to a party, but instead of staying until 2 in the morning after 3 or 4 drinks, we leave at 9 after a 1/2 glass of wine.
Movies-nah. With the cost of theaters these days, I'm really not missing them. Amazon Prime, is where I get my movie fix. Although I'm going to make an effort to go see the new Thor movie and Catching Fire and Hobbit 2 on the big screen.
Happy hour- nope. That one went away, not because I have to rush home to the baby, but more because I'm so exhausted I can't wait to come home and get baby in bed so I can join her in la-la land.
Shopping-oh no, that one hasn't changed. I now have a little shopping buddy which makes it even more delightful. Her favorite color is pink. Makes buying things easy.
Weekend getaways with hubby- we're still working on that one. Shouldn't be long. As I type this I'm home alone because my folks have taken little angel home with them for the 2nd night now in a week. Unfortunately hubby is at work, but I'm already planning with my mother when it would be okay for her to stay an entire weekend.
Which brings me to the fact I'm alone and actually blogging. *insert gasp* One of the biggest changes in my life since little angel arrived is my writing. It took a ginormous hit. And I didn't understand why or what it was until recently.
Normally when I'm writing or working on a story, I pretty much live and breath every detail the entire time. Sure when I'm at day job, I take a break and focus on that, but the rest of my free brain time I devote to the story. I dream about my characters at night and think about them first thing when I wake up.
Well, when I got pregnant last year, that changed. My focus was off. I could only write about 1000 words on a good day. When the baby arrived I didn't type a damn thing except for my birth story (which eventually turned into another blog) and an occasional poem or short baby story I could make up while trying to put her to sleep.
I tried to work on editing my vampire novel, but I just couldn't get into it. I didn't seem to have the brain capacity to even think about how I should fix the problems or make it better. Baby, baby, baby, and an random vampire were pretty much on my mind.
Then I realized what was happening. Vampires live at night. Vampires suck the life out of you. They charm you with heir magic and lure you deeper into their realm. Pretty soon it's they are all you can think about.
Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like my little angel. Keeps me up all hours of the night, breastfeeds like a fiend, charmer, and she's always on my mind. Damn.
It's me, Melania. Remember me? The girl that used to review books, blog about writing, and give away stuff. Yeah, it's really me still. Sort of.
This last year has turned my life upside down, side ways, and back down again. Having a baby will do that to ya. I expected things to be very different. You know, like bye-bye social life, going to the movies, happy hour after work, shopping trips, weekend getaways with hubby, and that sort of stuff. I knew my writing would change and I wouldn't have as much time like I used. But boy was I in for a surprise.
As far as social life, I didn't really have a riveting one to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I have AWESOME friends. And I still do stuff with them, it's just different now. I'll come over to a party, but instead of staying until 2 in the morning after 3 or 4 drinks, we leave at 9 after a 1/2 glass of wine.
Movies-nah. With the cost of theaters these days, I'm really not missing them. Amazon Prime, is where I get my movie fix. Although I'm going to make an effort to go see the new Thor movie and Catching Fire and Hobbit 2 on the big screen.
Happy hour- nope. That one went away, not because I have to rush home to the baby, but more because I'm so exhausted I can't wait to come home and get baby in bed so I can join her in la-la land.
Shopping-oh no, that one hasn't changed. I now have a little shopping buddy which makes it even more delightful. Her favorite color is pink. Makes buying things easy.
Weekend getaways with hubby- we're still working on that one. Shouldn't be long. As I type this I'm home alone because my folks have taken little angel home with them for the 2nd night now in a week. Unfortunately hubby is at work, but I'm already planning with my mother when it would be okay for her to stay an entire weekend.
Which brings me to the fact I'm alone and actually blogging. *insert gasp* One of the biggest changes in my life since little angel arrived is my writing. It took a ginormous hit. And I didn't understand why or what it was until recently.
Normally when I'm writing or working on a story, I pretty much live and breath every detail the entire time. Sure when I'm at day job, I take a break and focus on that, but the rest of my free brain time I devote to the story. I dream about my characters at night and think about them first thing when I wake up.
Well, when I got pregnant last year, that changed. My focus was off. I could only write about 1000 words on a good day. When the baby arrived I didn't type a damn thing except for my birth story (which eventually turned into another blog) and an occasional poem or short baby story I could make up while trying to put her to sleep.
I tried to work on editing my vampire novel, but I just couldn't get into it. I didn't seem to have the brain capacity to even think about how I should fix the problems or make it better. Baby, baby, baby, and an random vampire were pretty much on my mind.
Then I realized what was happening. Vampires live at night. Vampires suck the life out of you. They charm you with heir magic and lure you deeper into their realm. Pretty soon it's they are all you can think about.
Hmm. Sounds suspiciously like my little angel. Keeps me up all hours of the night, breastfeeds like a fiend, charmer, and she's always on my mind. Damn.
 |
| Halloween 2013 |
Sunday, October 13, 2013
I'm back!
Well, sort of. Just wanted to drop in and give you all an update. First of all, remember in my last post I mentioned a very important exam for day job? I'm proud to say I passed and am a certified tumor registrar. So happy to have that out of my hair.
As for writing. I've got three things going on. 1. A super secret project that is about 80% complete and when it's ready to publish, I'll share more. 2. Still editing/revising The Vampire Novelist. Actually I'm working on the second book, because I'm hoping it will help me with the first one, if that make any sense. 3. I'm dabbling a bit into children's books, the hardest challenge EVER. People who say writing a children's book is fluff, aught to be flogged. It's like flash fiction but worse. The less words you can use the better, but they can't been too fancy or over the top that a child can't understand either.
All in all I'm still trying to find a balance between motherhood, day job, and pursing my dream of being a published author. I haven't been blogging much here because I'm blogging more at my other site Urban Goddess Revealed these days as I want to share my experience as a mom.
Most of all I'm super excited about Fall, my favorite time of year. Of course I have to share a picture of my darling little pumpkin.
As for writing. I've got three things going on. 1. A super secret project that is about 80% complete and when it's ready to publish, I'll share more. 2. Still editing/revising The Vampire Novelist. Actually I'm working on the second book, because I'm hoping it will help me with the first one, if that make any sense. 3. I'm dabbling a bit into children's books, the hardest challenge EVER. People who say writing a children's book is fluff, aught to be flogged. It's like flash fiction but worse. The less words you can use the better, but they can't been too fancy or over the top that a child can't understand either.
All in all I'm still trying to find a balance between motherhood, day job, and pursing my dream of being a published author. I haven't been blogging much here because I'm blogging more at my other site Urban Goddess Revealed these days as I want to share my experience as a mom.
Most of all I'm super excited about Fall, my favorite time of year. Of course I have to share a picture of my darling little pumpkin.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Taking a break & top summer YA reads
Hey gang,
I'm taking a breaking from this blog for a couple of months. I have a very important exam I need to study for in September which is taking up all my "extra" time. I know, I'm hardly ever on here anymore since the little princess showed up. But seriously, I NEED to pass this test to get the required certification for my day job. Any writing time, I would like to devote to my novel. However I do have some prewritten posts I'll be putting on my Goddess Revealed blog about pregnancy and motherhood in the next couple of months, should you be interested. And I pop onto twitter every now and then too.
Enjoy the rest of your summer and check out these new releases. Click on the titles to purchase.
Earthbound by Aprilynne Pike (book 1 in the new series by the ubber awesome Aprilynne Pike.)
Origin by Jennifer Armentrout (releases August 27 & book 4 in the kick ass Lux series)
The Arrivals by Melissa Marr (This is actually an adult novel, but pretty much anything from Melissa Marr is a must read in my book.)
I'm taking a breaking from this blog for a couple of months. I have a very important exam I need to study for in September which is taking up all my "extra" time. I know, I'm hardly ever on here anymore since the little princess showed up. But seriously, I NEED to pass this test to get the required certification for my day job. Any writing time, I would like to devote to my novel. However I do have some prewritten posts I'll be putting on my Goddess Revealed blog about pregnancy and motherhood in the next couple of months, should you be interested. And I pop onto twitter every now and then too.
Enjoy the rest of your summer and check out these new releases. Click on the titles to purchase.
Earthbound by Aprilynne Pike (book 1 in the new series by the ubber awesome Aprilynne Pike.)
Origin by Jennifer Armentrout (releases August 27 & book 4 in the kick ass Lux series)
The Arrivals by Melissa Marr (This is actually an adult novel, but pretty much anything from Melissa Marr is a must read in my book.)
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